not so different from backpacking

Oh friends!
It has been a good long while hasn't it?

I chose the picture for this post with a very specific purpose. This candid moment was captured in the Chilcotin Wilderness in B.C. almost exactly three years ago during a two-week backpacking trip with a university program I was part of (shout out to you my beloved WWU Spring Blockies!).

This moment was almost half way through our backcountry adventure. After miles of significant elevation gains and losses, I was bushed. The entire group had sustained incredible positivity, huddled into just a few tents to stay warm against chill-to-the-bone winds on an exposed mountainside as we slept, battled altitude sickness, shouted "WOAH BEAR!" at the top of our lungs until our voices were raw (a pretty silly attempt to keep Grizzlies warned of our presence), and pumped enough water through our filters to bypass pushups for a hot minute. Now, just miles from a much anticipated few days of solitude and rest in the wilderness, we had reached a breaking point.

We had no more songs left, no more silly accents, no more whoops and hollers. We had misjudged our distance many times that day, and still had many miles to go. All we felt was the weight on our backs and the ache in our shoes - or at least that's all I felt. Judging by the uncharacteristic quiet of our little troop, I am confident that weariness was commonly held by all.

But then...
"LOOK! THERE'S THE HILL!" One of my group mates shouted, pointing up ahead.

Instant relief flooded over my mind and body.

THE HILL! 

We had walked along this landmark on our way out into the peaks and WOW. Bold, yellow wildflowers stretched from the startlingly blue sky all the way down into the steep valley miles below. It was like the sun had paused to take a walk amidst the mountains and left an enormous golden foot print beneath the snowy alp-like peaks. I half expected Julie Andrews to come swirling up over the hill with a bunch of curtain-clad children, and wanted to laugh out loud without even understanding why.

A burst of energy surged through us and we melted into a group of whimsical children - frolicking, laughing and skipping despite the ache in our feet and the weight on our backs.


The point?

The beauty of what was before us completely distracted us from the physical pain and emotional exhaustion we carried on our backs onto the sunshine hill that afternoon.

The point?

Life is not so different from backpacking.

We carry weight with us. Some of the weight is necessary for survival, some of the weight is comprised of things we THINK we need, some of the weight belongs to others and we choose to carry it anyways.

On our journey through life, we get to complete breaking points. Maybe we're completely overwhelmed by the thought of how much weight our fellow hikers are carrying. Maybe we're completely overwhelmed by the ache of weight that we carry. Maybe we think we have to prove our strength by carrying more. Maybe we think we deserve to carry more than others. Maybe we aren't ready to let go of that extra flashlight that makes us feel safe but just distracts us more from exploring why we're scared of the dark in the first place. Maybe we're completely burdened by the ache in our feet because we haven't taken the time to sit and care for our blisters or ask ourselves if we need a sip of water.

On our journey through life, we also have the opportunity to face these breaking points with authenticity, with honesty, with vulnerability.

In this photo, I was something like 5 days into not seeing my face in a mirror and brushing my teeth with as much toothpaste as I wanted. My pack is clearly not packed well - every possession crammed haphazardly into whatever pocket I could find. My hair is a mess, my layers are shoved like a pillow behind my head, and I am  SMILING ear to ear.

The point?

You don't have to have your life packed up neatly to experience  J O Y.
You don't have to be free of unnecessary weight to experience  LIFE.

Do not expect yourself to be an ultralight backpacker straight away.

Give yourself time, welcome healing, welcome the authentic honest fellowship of others when you smell like a dead animal and don't remember when you got to apply deodorant last. Acknowledge that you are a traveler learning to walk the road in wholeness and strength and health and allow yourself the opportunity to have your lungs filled with laughter by a hill of beauty despite the exhaustion and weariness you feel.


That thing that you think is impossible?
It's possible.

That thing that you think is unattainable?
It's attainable.

That pain that you're tired of lugging around?
You can be healed.

That secret you're terrified to tell anyone?
There is love waiting for you.

That relationship that seems to be broken beyond repair?
There is mending to be done.

That thing that you're running away from?
It's ok to stare it down instead.


Give yourself grace, traveler. You are doing the very best you can. <3


XOXO
-Kaiti Dew